The time I had to care for my dad was terrifying. I was by no means a nurse. That is what I became.
I remember the night he almost choked to death. I had the chance to lay down for probably a half hour before I was woken by a young girl who was one of the caregivers on night duty. This was the second time I saw this, once before when my step-mom died. The girl had the look of shear panic, face as white as a sheet, totally unfit for this task. My brother kept yelling and storming about, cursing and demanding that I use the suction which I would not. I thought, this is how my father is going to die. I knew it would be choking to death, but I realized at that time it was very likely that he was going to do that right in front of my eyes.
I stayed calm as the two others in the room devolved into a sort of madness. I just stood there and watched and knew…. it didn’t happen though. I laid on the couch and waited until 9am. For some reason that was the time to move for me. I knew what I had to do. As I lay there I listened to my father suffer and moan and need me. That was beyond torture for me. I felt cruel, but I just could not take anymore. I knew what I had to do, so I waited until 9am came and I made the call. Hospice said they were coming out at noon. I told them in no uncertain terms that he was to be taken immediately and placed in a facility.
The family showed up as usual that morning, with coffee, refreshed after a sound nights sleep. I took them into the other room sat them down and told them I had Hospice coming. They were stunned. You see, his wishes were to die at home. That is what I had accomplished until then. I was the one in charge, he assigned me that position years ago because of how close we were. He trusted me to make these big decisions. He placed his final days into my hands.
I remember saying to them, “Hospice will be be here at noon. They have a space for him at ‘whatever house.'” Arguing started between them in the form of just talking over each other. It was then that I put a stop to all of the crazy. “He is going into hospice house. This is my decision and it is final” . You could have heard a pin drop. I couldn’t believe I actually had to use those words… I mean, who says “…and that is final!”
I left the room, not knowing from that point on I had lost half of my family. They had no idea that I was protecting them from the horror. When I first spoke with Hospice that morning, I remember saying to them, “This has to be done now. I am not going to let my brother watch his father choke to death.” My father was mentally gone at that point anyway. He never knew he left his house.