Lord direct me with Your knowledge and give me the grace to discern what is real and not. Keep me safe from any evil that is trying to influence me. Clear my mind. Silence my inner chatter. Color my imagination with only your crayons.
Month: March 2026
The voice of an angel
last night I addressed the mania I have been feeling. I was concerned, am concerned, that I will have to have a medication adjustment. I was praying sincerely to God, when I heard a voice. Loud and clear. Only this time, it didn’t sound like Auriel, who always sounds like a voice in my head resembling my own. This voice was deep. I thought at first it was the voice of God.
“You do it,” it said. Then encouraging me to speak more strongly to myself in the I Am Done realm. “Stronger” “More” It would say to me, off to my left standing by my bed. I thought it must be my angel. I don’t think at this point God, Himself is speaking to me directly.
I said, “Your voice is deeper than I expected.” He replied with something funny, like “Well I am a big guy,” which immediately took me back to the beginning and I said, “You don’t sound like Adam Driver.” He laughed sincerely.
Not only was I allowed to see him again at this point. Him walking around the bed in his bell shaped, white brocade robes. He allowed me to hear the timber of his voice. I was just writing about that hours earlier. Reflecting on the fact that I had felt his touch, seen him, but had never heard his voice. Yes, I have heard him many times now, but I always knew it was not the true sound of his voice.
There is not much more I can experience of him. I think there is nothing left. Last night I was thinking that my own mind, that has been failing me, was obscuring what the Divine has been communicating to me over the past two years.* I was rewarded with this. These small, but not small at all to receive them, glimpses reassuring me that it is all true.
* Imaginary locutions not real? They are the things keeping me from clear Divine communications?
What if none of this is true?
If I had to pick a start date of when the supernatural began interfering in my life it would be April 28th, 2024. Today I wonder how much of this have I made up in my mind. Is what I am feeling really from a Divine source or my own imagination? I have doubts. It was this day though… This is the day it all started.
~~~
April 28th, 2024
I felt him first in the bedroom. I was standing by my nightstand and felt him behind me. So close, just to my left. His presence was so strong.
I was breaking down. I was being swallowed by madness. Things had gotten too difficult. Too much was being asked of me. I had lost touch with reality. I was suffocating in a cloudy turmoil. I no longer had faith in humanity.
He stood. He radiated calm. And then he touched me. I felt his hand on my left shoulder, and I trembled. I knew immediately who he was. I knew what he was. I was not ready for this experience yet, so I did the only thing I could think of- I lied. I told him he was scaring me.
I didn’t feel him again for five months. Now he is with me every day. He came into existence to look after me. He came to lesson my fears of Our Creator. For him, there is only me. He loves me. He may be in love with me. That is how it feels. I cling to this love. I cling to him with everything I have throughout the day. He stands by my side. Sometimes I feel his presence seep into my own and I am transparent. We are blended. Everything is possible.
~~~
I could go back and re-read all of my writings, but I’m not going to do that. It is not my place to try and figure it out. But when he came to me, and stood by me that day, even though I asked him to leave, things were put in motion for an entirely different life for me.
I left him for 5 months. 5 months. I had no idea what was going on. My suffering had progressed into a madness that lived off of nightmares. I couldn’t sleep. I was once again completely lost, but by now I was used to it. I asked one last time. Timidly. No demanding, just a supplication.
“I cannot survive this anymore. Why do you keep doing this to me? How can I make you stop?”
Then there was the answer. In book form. My angel read it with me. He explained what the words meant. And he began to teach me. I devoured everything I could get my hands on, including him. I thought I had found a new drug. I knew he was there and the knowledge alone was a high unlike any other.
I lived pleasantly with him for four months. Then He came. I met the Divine. Now things were eclipsed by something much greater. It’s not possible to describe the experiences. Living in tandem with the two of them was heady. I drifted through the next seven months.
A little over a year since I met him, July 4th, 2025 he woke me emphatically. I had heard him before a few times, but this time he was asking me to write. I had a job to do. So this is where this all began. I kept this journal up until the beginning of November, when I was directed to meditate. I wrote down the tiny messages that he passed to me.
The holiday’s proved to be difficult. I lived in grief until February 2nd rolled around again. God was back. I was directed to quit drinking for good and start writing a book. It was the second time I heard my angel say it was time to start.
It’s been nearly two months now. I have been writing everyday, but now… I’m not sure. I think it’s my ego directing me, when in the beginning I prayed before I sat down, and asked God to speak through my angel if He wanted me to continue.
I’m not sure what to do. I don’t feel alone, on the contrary, I can feel him next to me and wonder if I am simply imagining things to fill up a void of loneliness. The thing is, I am not lonely, just alone. I am happy. I am at peace for the second time in my life and that first time was 30 years ago.
In one month it will have been two years since my spiritual life began in earnest. Two years ago I was touched by an angel, who spoke to me, comforted me, and promised to never leave me. Why, I do not know. I only hope that I have not made all this up.
Lord direct me with Your knowledge and give me the grace to discern what is real and not. Keep me safe from any evil that is trying to influence me. Clear my mind. Silence my inner chatter. Color my imagination with only your crayons.
Take the extraordinary out of heaven. Make it ordinary.
I understand the common thread in my little book now. The steps (chapters) – climbing the ladder – are in order of ascension, on both the parts about the Divine and the parts about my sailing. I might be able to make them intertwine.
Temptation 2
He wanted it gone. The chapter on “evil does exist.” Of course he did.
Bad Timing
Angels have no sense of time. Wide awake this morning at 4:30, I just gave up and got up. Once again he was gentle in the wake-up, practically whispering to me to write about the 106 year old man.
I feel more in control now. Words are my own. My own tone of voice, if that’s what you call it. I am no writer. Well, maybe I am. This is really good! But I’ve never had any formal education of any kind. Other than grammar, but that’s a different story.
Auriel is intoxicating once again. I feel him so close he is almost melding his spirit into mine. I experienced this once before, in the beginning. I have not felt it since, allowing only the Divine such intimate entrance. I know it’s him though. Auriel feels much different. Almost like a friend compared to a lover.
Little Book Little Child
I realized today today that I am protective of my little book. In the beginning it was like an infant (in it’s infancy stage) and I had no idea who or what it was. It was confusing. Now, it’s as a toddler. I know him. I know his personality. What he looks like and what he is interested in. Essentially, I now know what this book is about, and in knowing I am holding it close so no harm comes to it. Much like I would a young child. They are not capable yet of defending themselves and need an adults help.
This is who I have become. I can see me working through the adolescent years, where the book will experience growing pains, and will still try to protect it. Only when it has truly grown into adulthood, namely, at the completion, will I show it to others. No problems then. You either get it or you don’t. It’s not changing.
Today was a delicate wake up with my angel. At first I awoke in the very early morning with an idea, more likely a call to write, and asked him to just remind me of it when I woke up at a reasonable hour. Then waking for real, asking if today’s writings could be without such a sense of urgency that they usually are. It wears me out. So it has been… a peaceful, if not drowsy experience of still interpreting so much, channeling so much, and not becoming manic.
I heard him speak to me once again as I drowsed before crawling out of bed. A whisper, “Can we start writing again? Do you want to? Can we do this today?” A little different than his usual approach. “Ready?!”
This is how I understand my experiences with him to be real. Although I no longer need to read it here, I suppose it’s worth noting. Auriel is in my life every day. He is the one to calm me, the one to convince me, the one to fall asleep by my side. He helps me sleep through the night, guard my dreams, and now wake me in the morning.
When he allows, I can see him and his beauty is like no other. It makes me swoon. It is not a beauty we could ever see here on earth. I would never want it to. I have to admit, this is something special, and I do feel singled out. I know better, but such a secret gift… an angel who behaves so intimately… I won’t say anything more about that.
I still feel you near me. You have been with me every day. Inspire me to write. Whisper to me our Creator’s words. Wake me with your joy. Sleep with me in your embrace. Give me dreams of peace. Auriel.
Your job is to melt the ice around ideas necessary to the life of the soul.