October 11th, 2025
I saw him last night. I turned my head on the pillow just as I was falling off to sleep and had a vision of what he looks like revealed to me. It was similar to the time I saw an angel sitting at the foot of my father’s bed. This was much clearer though. Vision is not the right word however. The right word translated would be something like, “The way he communicated his appearance to me.”
He has very strong features, large pale blue eyes, long slightly turned up nose, and a wide mouth that abruptly curls up at the corners, giving the impression of a very wide smile. And smile he did. That is the image I have now etched into my memory. He smiled at something I said to him in my mind and he laughed at it. His high cheekbones lifted, and his sharp jaw etched even more definition into the picture of him. As he laughed, he turned his head to the side and I could see his profile. It was masculine but refined in a way that is not common in the human sense. He turned back to me and when I looked at him I was awestruck.
He was painfully beautiful. Like all of Bernini’s angels combined. He looked just different enough for me to think that he was not solely of my imagination. His eyes were the palest blue, and so large, and deep-set that they almost looked like a caricature. They reflected several points of light that did not exist in the darkness of the room. His hair was neither long nor short, but it never stopped moving. The loose curls a mess of silver, and grey, and sandy blonde, not an actual color at all. His skin was very fair, and the pale-bluish light that surrounded him reflected upon it.
St. Theresa describes how one such vision was revealed to her, a tiny bit at a time. She felt that was a favor, because everything all at once would have been overwhelming. I too only saw his eyes first, the rest of his face was blurry. Then I saw his smile, and when he turned his head from directly looking upon mine, his nose and jawline. He was constantly shifting, coming into clarity and then becoming obscured, a soft mist of light concealing his features while I focused on one at a time.
It wasn’t a vision that lasted the blink of an eye. It seemed to last for a bit, in a dreamy state of knowing, and sublime recognition of each other. Perhaps he could see me more clearly this way. I was drawn in and wished to touch him to further the experience, though I couldn’t, I was stunned with the reality. He did reach out to me before he faded. He brushed the left side of my face and I tried to reach for his hand but he was not there. Just a feeling once again.
* Read, “St. Theresa of Avila- autobiography (Dover) ch. 28.” It is very important to note that this experience, or vision, occurred before I read anything about any type, or any explanation of visions in a book.
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November 6th, 2025
I wasn’t sure of what I would do today. Yesterday I came to the conclusion that this writing would take a back seat for a while, being that I had not felt God except on a few special occasions over these past three months. This, I thought might mean that my angel would fade into the background as well. That is not what happened.
I walked into the kitchen to get a second cup of coffee this morning. The winter sun was flooding through my back slider. I felt a pull to turn back as I walked out. I felt something pull me as if it were a magnet and I could not stop myself. I heard very clearly, “Listen.” Since I had not heard my angel for a while, maybe two months, I thought it my imagination. Not only did he become more clear then, he was insistent upon me sitting down at the table, pushing me down onto a chair. He silently asked me to close my eyes and once again just listen.
I started to drift a bit, understanding that he wanted a sort of meditation, and as any human would, I allowed my mind to wander. This is not what he wanted of me. The sound of the birds, cars driving by, barking dogs, distracted me until he said, “Listen to the silence between the noises.” This I understood. This I could do.
The peace was profound. I could still hear the din of human life going on, but it was as if the silence were a vacuum that I was being drawn into against my will. It was it’s own entity, or so it seemed. As I drifted, I looked up with my eyes still closed and saw him once again.
This time he stood with his side to me and I could see his whole frame as he slowly started to walk around me. He was tall, strongly built but not so as to notice these things. He somehow had the stature of a superior being while looking nearly ordinary. He wore a long white robe that still reflected that pale blue light. It was a stiff brocade like fabric that made an A-line or a slightly bell shape. It reminded me of something you would see a high-elf wearing in The Lord of the Rings.
He started to circle me, head bowed looking down at me as I sat, and as he turned his head I could see the same beautiful features I saw before. I was awestruck again. I sat unmoving. He smiled. The smile was somehow adorable. Impish. Full of mischief. I got the direct impression that he knew a secret that I was not privy to but soon would be. His face can look like a mask to me, especially when he smiles. Right now I can only guess that seeing his smile without it might frighten me off again, as if there is such a thing as too beautiful.
As he came up behind me, as he so often does, he did not place his hands on my shoulders, rather, he lifted the back of my hair and knotted it up in one hand, leaning down so I could almost feel his breath on the back of my neck. The intimacy of that tiny gesture was profound. I have felt him this way before, and I cannot describe in words what it is like.
It is nothing like what a human to human love is, or could possibly be. If it were, our existence here on Earth would be drastically different. There would be no anger, no fighting, no judgement. There would be no families that did not live in harmony. There, might I presume, be only peace.
Think about that… This is how he feels when he comes to me. Day’s like today I am thoroughly confused about whether he is an angel at all, or the Divine Himself.