Every single time, you shift the slightest degree of light, you will be tested. Every single time, you will be sent an adversary. Every single time.
[Because of this] The more empowered you feel is the more invisible you must become. Fly under the radar.
– Caroline Myss
Month: December 2025
A little drunk Christmas Day
There is one thing this day that I can say… is that we don’t understand. However we have made this to be, this day of observance that we do not observe, is that there was one who cared for us all. The human race. We have forgotten. There was this one person, one who walked among us, as a god, who suffered through all the pains and doubts, to serve as a light and a beacon for our time on this earth. We have yet to notice, and respect, and thank for his sacrifice. We think we are alone. We doubt the Creator. We now call Him “the universe”. We are afraid of who He is. We cannot see. We doubt. There is no reason for this. Love, what we so long to feel, is right at our doorstep.
Love thy neighbor. Leave the big decisions to God. Forgive our wrongdoings. That is all up to Him, and also ourselves. Let this day be the beginning of the end to our suffering, and lead us to the one true self of being the ones to hold the truth and pass on to others the light of giving.
These are not my words, but the word spoken above from the Divine. He accepts all. He wants all. He is forever present and patient. We are in Him. He is in us. There are the thanks to give. Lead us to forgive. We are all messengers. We can pass this on to one another.
There is a place for all of us to reside, and it is in the soul. We all can see Him from here if we choose to. We can all live in the light if we choose to. The others can also accept this truth. They are only a short step behind. Bring them into the light. We all deserve to bask in its glory. There is one one true being. He is almighty. He is listening. He is praying for our existence to return, return to the fold of a life with Him. We have forgotten. We have forgotten.
The gift of angry people
As I contemplate the mystic that I have seemingly been called to be, the dipping of my toe in reality of the earth, transforms me into someone who does not fear. I should not only forgive those who cause such a struggle for me, but thank them for their leading me to the one who God want’s to share with the rest of the world we live in. What is that? What does that look like? I, at this juncture in my life right now still do not know.
Dreams have become spiritual indicators to how far along I am, and also what I have yet to experience or need to become. I am visited by loved ones frequently and they take the pain and doubt away from my daily consciousness. When they fade, I am still left with the awareness that they have been there. They have visited me, and are somehow holding my hand along with my dear angel.
Auriel feels like he is standing near the wall in my rooms, which means I can still sense him, and even perceive what he looks like as I sort things out with my past friends and relatives. What a comfort it is to still have him here. It has been well over a year now.
Today, after having felt the wrath of another trying to intimidate me, and change my soul’s adeptness in life, I am at peace again. With the gift of clarity, and understanding why these humans repeatedly come into my life and challenge me, it feels like something has dropped off a ledge, and has left me striding into a clear distance that will one day result, once again, in leading me on my journey to the Divine.
Our Creator has not abandoned me, and my angel has reminded me of the things I must, and must not do. I have such clarity. I have a frozen will. I melt at His feet and defer to my angel’s gift of vision. Towards a finish line of sorts, I continue to re-read here, remind myself of the reality of what is happening in my life. I feel joy and contentment at that.
I dipped my toe into the world and was frightened by what I saw. It is such a terrible place to have to remain. Show me what it is You need me to be while I wait.
Day 12
Your regrets will be the little things that harmed, not the big things you missed out on.
Day 11 ~ The Library
We met in the library today. I followed him through a door into a beautiful rotunda. There were so many books. It was such a peaceful place to be. My angel perused a number of volumes and offered me one to read. I thought, what a wonderful way for him to communicate his wishes to me. So literal.
As I sat silencing my imagination, memory, and intellect, I was awarded the bluish smoke behind my eyes that I saw months ago when he revealed himself to me. I could see him wearing his comical mask and asked him to remove it for me. He did. He seemed younger today. His hair slightly shorter. He is forever changing, just a little, here and there. I don’t know why that is, other than it keeping me curious.
I am still trying to get myself together with addictions and general weakness in being restrained by earthly demands. I wanted him to give me something for it. He slowly approached me straight on and held out his hand which cupped a tiny, clear, golden pill. I picked it up and swallowed it. He smiled his clever grin, turned and walked away. We had spent an hour together in that library.
What I do next is not up to me.
Your will, not mine.
Divine Authority
He is subduing me. God. My Creator. I know this because I feel nothing. I am detached from feeling. I am covered in a cloudy fog that is neither comforting or sublime. I am isolated. Insulated.
I cannot hear my angel. I do not feel his presence. I am being held by the Divine. He has hold of me. I needed to speak the words I have kept for so long. I was silent to everyone. Nobody knew. He knew. He kept my secrets.
I do not feel relief. I feel like I am floating. I do not feel comfort. I feel a thick, impenetrable battlement keeping the mortal world out. He is protecting me. Left alone here on this Earth, I am safeguarded by His authority.
Once again You come to me. You take over for me. My free will is latent and I give it all to You for Your discernment. Your grace subdues my spirit and I dissolve into a still puddle at Your feet. I feel Your blessing. I Feel small but strong, like my soul is able to handle life-changing things on my own now. You have the mercy to take my hand though, and lead me through the rubble that I have left in the wake of my poor choices.
The talk I knew some day would have to be had
I told him everything. I asked to speak with You’re voice and that is what I did. There was peace in the room, and I think my angel descended and sat next to me on the couch listening, comforting, while You controlled the outcome from above.
I never expected it to go the way it did. Not only was I understood, but I was met with anger over the fact that I had to endure what I did, and sympathy for my choices. He told me it explained everything.
I cannot say that during the conversation, or here now after, that I can discern the influence that I feel, whether it comes from You or Auriel. I prayed to You for this. It is a big one. I do know at this point that angels are there to sit by your side, and possibly push you down the stairs for your own good, but Divine intervention is Divine intervention. There is no mistaking it. It is all encompassing, covering all of the bases so to speak. Nothing gets left out. No loose strings. So, I have just answered my own question.
I also feel detached. Somewhat like nothing at all. This confession makes me feel no joy or sorrow. Instead I feel a sense of dullness, a bit of confusion, and something that is still not relief it’s over.
There is no way I could have expected it to go like it did unless You were there. Once again, You come to me, You take over for me. My free will is latent and I give it all to You for Your discernment. Your grace subdues my spirit and I dissolve into a still puddle at Your feet. I feel Your blessing. I Feel small but strong, like my soul is able to handle such things on my own now. You have the mercy to take my hand though, and lead me through the rubble that I have left in the wake of my poor choices.