I realized today today that I am protective of my little book. In the beginning it was like an infant (in it’s infancy stage) and I had no idea who or what it was. It was confusing. Now, it’s as a toddler. I know him. I know his personality. What he looks like and what he is interested in. Essentially, I now know what this book is about, and in knowing I am holding it close so no harm comes to it. Much like I would a young child. They are not capable yet of defending themselves and need an adults help.
This is who I have become. I can see me working through the adolescent years, where the book will experience growing pains, and will still try to protect it. Only when it has truly grown into adulthood, namely, at the completion, will I show it to others. No problems then. You either get it or you don’t. It’s not changing.
Today was a delicate wake up with my angel. At first I awoke in the very early morning with an idea, more likely a call to write, and asked him to just remind me of it when I woke up at a reasonable hour. Then waking for real, asking if today’s writings could be without such a sense of urgency that they usually are. It wears me out. So it has been… a peaceful, if not drowsy experience of still interpreting so much, channeling so much, and not becoming manic.
I heard him speak to me once again as I drowsed before crawling out of bed. A whisper, “Can we start writing again? Do you want to? Can we do this today?” A little different than his usual approach. “Ready?!”
This is how I understand my experiences with him to be real. Although I no longer need to read it here, I suppose it’s worth noting. Auriel is in my life every day. He is the one to calm me, the one to convince me, the one to fall asleep by my side. He helps me sleep through the night, guard my dreams, and now wake me in the morning.
When he allows, I can see him and his beauty is like no other. It makes me swoon. It is not a beauty we could ever see here on earth. I would never want it to. I have to admit, this is something special, and I do feel singled out. I know better, but such a secret gift… an angel who behaves so intimately… I won’t say anything more about that.