My Book

Angels have no sense of time. Wide awake this morning at 4:30, I just gave up and got up. Once again he was gentle in the wake-up, practically whispering to me to write about the 106 year old man.

I feel more in control now. Words are my own. My own tone of voice, if that’s what you call it. I am no writer. Well, maybe I am. This is really good! But I’ve never had any formal education of any kind. Other than grammar, but that’s a different story.

Auriel is intoxicating once again. I feel him so close he is almost melding his spirit into mine. I experienced this once before, in the beginning. I have not felt it since, allowing only the Divine such intimate entrance. I know it’s him though. Auriel feels much different. Almost like a friend compared to a lover.

I realized today today that I am protective of my little book. In the beginning it was like an infant (in it’s infancy stage) and I had no idea who or what it was. It was confusing. Now, it’s as a toddler. I know him. I know his personality. What he looks like and what he is interested in. Essentially, I now know what this book is about, and in knowing I am holding it close so no harm comes to it. Much like I would a young child. They are not capable yet of defending themselves and need an adults help.

This is who I have become. I can see me working through the adolescent years, where the book will experience growing pains, and will still try to protect it. Only when it has truly grown into adulthood, namely, at the completion, will I show it to others. No problems then. You either get it or you don’t. It’s not changing.

Today was a delicate wake up with my angel. At first I awoke in the very early morning with an idea, more likely a call to write, and asked him to just remind me of it when I woke up at a reasonable hour. Then waking for real, asking if today’s writings could be without such a sense of urgency that they usually are. It wears me out. So it has been… a peaceful, if not drowsy experience of still interpreting so much, channeling so much, and not becoming  manic.

I heard him speak to me once again as I drowsed before crawling out of bed. A whisper, “Can we start writing again? Do you want to? Can we do this today?” A little different than his usual approach. “Ready?!”

This is how I understand my experiences with him to be real. Although I no longer need to read it here, I suppose it’s worth noting. Auriel is in my life every day. He is the one to calm me, the one to convince me, the one to fall asleep by my side. He helps me sleep through the night, guard my dreams, and now wake me in the morning.

When he allows, I can see him and his beauty is like no other. It makes me swoon. It is not a beauty we could ever see here on earth. I would never want it to. I have to admit, this is something special, and I do feel singled out. I know better, but such a secret gift… an angel who behaves so intimately… I won’t say anything more about that.

It’s been a week since I was called to write the little book. So far I have seven chapters edited and completed. 10,000 words. 40 pages. It is not what I thought it would be. I sit at the computer, after my morning coffee, and say a prayer.

“God if it’s your will that I continue writing this, let me speak with Your words. Give my angel Your words and let him speak them to me so that I may write them down. If this is Your will.  Amen.”

Then I wait. I have no idea what the next installment will be about. I have no title and a blank page really doesn’t exist. Mostly there is no waiting though. I start to write and I am not forming the sentences, just the words. I write with speed and accuracy, most of the time not needing to correct anything other a comma here or there. I write five pages then stop.

When I go back and read the section or chapter, I have no recollection of what I have written. It is concise and to the point, but it is not a point I was trying to make. Sometimes, I don’t even understand what the words mean, though they sound very important.

This is not me writing this. My angel is translating. So far, I am not afraid of the source.

I was dreaming last night that I was administering CPR to a man collapsed. He was not waking up but I kept going, thinking I was at least keeping his body alive. I asked someone to take over for me. I counted for them but was only doing rescue breathing.

This went on for a short time and I woke with a huge breath and sat up suddenly in bed. I have never woken that way before. It was strange. I can only imagine that I was the collapsed man. When I sunk back down into the covers, I could sense Auriel lying next to me with his hand on my shoulder.

I was woken by my angel this morning. I felt an unbridled love warm my body as I was jolted awake. “Ready?” I heard emphatically in my ear. There was that barely contained joy in him. I felt him stoke my cheek until I was fully aware of my surroundings. He bent down an kissed my neck. Then I was awake. As concerned as I was by that I did not push him away but was still cautious.

When we sat together at the table downstairs, me having my morning coffee, him sitting on the table next to me stretched out on his side, knee bent, arm crooked up to hold up his head, he told me I would eventually have to trust him again. I was reminded that I would know if what I was hearing and imagining was from him or the deceiver. It would be the way that I felt about God and the Divine afterwords. He also explained to me that this morning’s wake up to a beautiful state of wonder could not be a part of deception.

I will continue with the book.