The winds that rock the house today are not the Chinook Winds that had come last year about this time. They are too cool for that and too blustery. I don’t feel the steady warmth and calm that they bring, however, I know that this is a personal signal, or tap on the head, to quiet the mind within it.
I was told to listen this morning, in no uncertain terms. I heard him clearly again, my angel, and was even granted a slow vision of him. I suppose I did not dream that up several weeks ago when I saw him. I believe I also heard his name much earlier on, Auriel. If only conveyed to me at the time, I at least do not have to call him angel anymore. So I let that one stick, even though I believe it to be a common name given to an angel and could be made up by my imagination.
I realize now that this past year has given me a chance to allow my noisy thoughts to come out on the page. It is so difficult for a human to truly shut up and remain silent throughout the day. These writings have given me the chance to learn, and what I have learned is that one cannot listen if not silencing themselves, not only in voice, but thoughts as well. I find it interesting that I said these words almost two weeks ago. I was ready to listen.
This time is like the last time that Auriel came to me, asking me if I was ready to write. He smiled at me so warmly, and somewhat, what I can’t describe as anything other than mischievously. He knows something I don’t, obviously, but the knowing extends to what I believe to be another understanding of truth within these next months, or a year, of meditation. I am not afraid to take on this next task.
He comes to me, and behaves so intimately with me, that I am relaxed into a state of submission, but submission is not the right word, that insinuates strength over me on his part. This is not the case, has never been, nor will it ever be. I suppose the best I could describe it would be a melting into him, which results in a floaty feeling. It is light, not overwhelming, close, easy to contact, touch. He is allowed to touch me, however I am not allowed to reach out and touch him. These are not human feelings of intimacy. They are supernatural. They do not apply to the human experience and pleasure, in a sense, also does not apply.
I am not sure how this next assignment will change the course of my writings, if they are necessary at all, or how it will change me. I can only remain open to it. I have taken steps to better myself as a person, and as I go along, now in prayer, I will continue to take steps further as I can. There is a great deal of perseverance required.
There is a certain degree of excitement for this turn of events. Just last night I was so heartbroken by feeling our Creator retreat. I am thinking, which I will stop doing now, that He might remain in the background once again, like when this all started in July. My angel was there to inspire me, help me, but God was not so close.
I have been feeling anxiety about not understanding any sort of calling, but can feel the change this morning, a calling, yes, felt and heard quite literally. My mornings are now decided for me as I sit and simply contemplate.