Other than a handful of times, I have not felt the Creator in my life at all. It has been 10 months. Nearly a year and I think that when a year is up I will give up completely on Him. I’m sure I will still believe. I know He is still there. But I don’t think He wants me to be His mystic anymore. And I do know that I was. I am not mistaken. The feelings were real.
I am so confused as to why He did that to me. Shared Himself with me in such an intimate way. And now I have been left for so long. I am not sure what to do at all!
I was so angry last night. At Him. I screamed and yelled with the window closed. Nothing today. My life is silent. So I will be silent. No more inner chatter. No more talking to myself out loud. I am so sad and greatly disappointed. I cannot even ask for Him anymore.