You sometimes tug my heart out of my body and into yours. There, I am in love. Here, I am still. Afraid that if I were to move I would shatter. I’m not sure I would mind if I did.
Letters to The Divine
The Chapel on the Rock
I drove up to 8500 feet to the base of Mt. Meeker- St. Catherines “Chapel on the Rock.” As I knelt down to pray, before I even formed the words, You spoke to me. “You don’t need to come here to find me.” Simple words of what I already knew. Once more trying to get You back. Once more not able to.
“Several Times in the Last Week”
Ever since happiness heard your name it has been running through the streets trying to find you.
And several times in the last week, God Himself has even come to my door
Asking me for your address!
Once I said, “God, I thought You knew everything. Why are You asking me where
Your lovers live?”
And the Beloved replied, “Indeed, Hafiz, I do know everything.
But it is fun playing dumb once in a while. And I love intimate chat
And the warmth of your heart’s fire.”
Maybe we should make this poem into a song, I think it has potential!
How far does this refrain sound, for I know it is a Truth:
Ever since happiness heard your name, it has been running through the streets
Trying to find you.
And several times in the last week, God Himself has come to my door,
So sweetly asking for your address, wanting the beautiful warmth of your heart’s fire.
– Hafiz
Lord forgive me. Understand. I am only human, and my failings are great. I will always fail without you.
I remember. I don’t want to have to go through it again.
Please fill my heart with the knowledge of You. Fill my life with Your grace.Lead me. I keep falling down. Please give me strength, or at least the courage to know my own weakness, so that I may turn it over to you.
Lord direct me with Your knowledge and give me the grace to discern what is real and not. Keep me safe from any evil that is trying to influence me. Clear my mind. Silence my inner chatter. Color my imagination with only your crayons.
Anguish
My soul hurts.
I feel so beaten down by what I just went through. I cannot get the connection I need. I am despondent.
As I feel like a lost and lonely child, I think of Him as a father today, not a lover. I am so small.
I am in so much pain. I don’t know where my spirit will go if I am alone for good now. The depression is real.
I don’t know what I did. What was it exactly… I am given no direction.
So, like a child I will hide under the covers until the monsters are gone. Until He comes and soothes my aching heart. Prove to me His protection.
Father, I hurt so badly. Just give me one day, one moment, to know you are still here with me.
What do You want from me…?
I give up.
I dipped my toe into the world and was frightened by what I saw. It is such a terrible place to have to remain. Show me what it is You need me to be while I wait.
What I do next is not up to me.
Your will, not mine.
Once again You come to me. You take over for me. My free will is latent and I give it all to You for Your discernment. Your grace subdues my spirit and I dissolve into a still puddle at Your feet. I feel Your blessing. I Feel small but strong, like my soul is able to handle life-changing things on my own now. You have the mercy to take my hand though, and lead me through the rubble that I have left in the wake of my poor choices.