I have been thinking that it has been a year. It has been two. The year is just what I have known. It has been what I can reflect upon, but the guidance started when I moved. It only took a few weeks until my debilitating pain subsided and I was able to move again. That was a big thing since I could not walk for a year. So January of 2024 I was mostly healed. It was then that I first felt the Divine in my life. The two months that followed I can only describe as pure bliss. When I was struck with the news my son brought to the table, I did spiral, however I felt a sense of calm that I could not explain. I interacted with others from that state of mind. That was in April.
I remember the madness. I thought I would need to be voluntarily committed. I sat by the window upstairs and was convinced that either aliens had invaded the planet or that the world was ending. The feeling was insurmountable, but then I started to change once again. It wasn’t until then, that after the second time of a major spiritual intervention, I started to question. That is when the first year came to a close. It is when I read the book of St. John of the Cross- The Dark Night of the Soul. Then I got answers. I was astounded, and I still am. That was my first realization what had happened to me was real, or so I think.
2025 was a time to myself. I needed that. I have made the mistake in thinking that it all began there, but I have had time to reflect and realize the major shift, the time of great healing actually started the year before. It started so gently, as if I would fear the presence of such sublime love that I was approached like a skittish deer. I am glad that my soul is strengthened.
As I have said, I am feeling alone now. I don’t like it one bit. But because I know that He will come back, however long I must wait, and that I am not being punished, I will wait. That is just what my angel said to me two nights ago. “Wait.”