Once again You come to me. You take over for me. My free will is latent and I give it all to You for Your discernment. Your grace subdues my spirit and I dissolve into a still puddle at Your feet. I feel Your blessing. I Feel small but strong, like my soul is able to handle life-changing things on my own now. You have the mercy to take my hand though, and lead me through the rubble that I have left in the wake of my poor choices.
Letters to The Divine
The talk I knew some day would have to be had
I told him everything. I asked to speak with You’re voice and that is what I did. There was peace in the room, and I think my angel descended and sat next to me on the couch listening, comforting, while You controlled the outcome from above.
I never expected it to go the way it did. Not only was I understood, but I was met with anger over the fact that I had to endure what I did, and sympathy for my choices. He told me it explained everything.
I cannot say that during the conversation, or here now after, that I can discern the influence that I feel, whether it comes from You or Auriel. I prayed to You for this. It is a big one. I do know at this point that angels are there to sit by your side, and possibly push you down the stairs for your own good, but Divine intervention is Divine intervention. There is no mistaking it. It is all encompassing, covering all of the bases so to speak. Nothing gets left out. No loose strings. So, I have just answered my own question.
I also feel detached. Somewhat like nothing at all. This confession makes me feel no joy or sorrow. Instead I feel a sense of dullness, a bit of confusion, and something that is still not relief it’s over.
There is no way I could have expected it to go like it did unless You were there. Once again, You come to me, You take over for me. My free will is latent and I give it all to You for Your discernment. Your grace subdues my spirit and I dissolve into a still puddle at Your feet. I feel Your blessing. I Feel small but strong, like my soul is able to handle such things on my own now. You have the mercy to take my hand though, and lead me through the rubble that I have left in the wake of my poor choices.
Now that the sun has set, I sit and rest and think of You. I blend Your world with mine, and my world with Yours.
The Gifts you give to me bring me to tears. I owe you everything that is mine to give, but nothing is mine to give. I am just a particle of the Everything aren’t I?
All is quiet now… I miss You, but I will wait. I am not alone after all. You have given me one of Your own to comfort and guide me. Sometimes it is enough just to be in his company. Sleeping closely, soundly, effortlessly.
It is the softest brush of your fingertip that allows me to do this. The tiniest of touches. Any more would be crushing.
I am grateful. I do not expect anything. I rejoice when I am blessed with Your presence. I know I will not be left to fall behind.
I sometimes cry when I think about You.
I love You for this. I am confused by this. Thank you for imbibing me with the patience to continue to love when the feeling is lost but not lost. Thank you for inspiring me to write this down, and giving me the voice, however incorrect, to continue.
I cannot feel You so strongly now, but I know You are there. Thank you for holding me in such a state of grace for as long as You have. Even if I feel alone right now I will not be frightened. I will not forget my path. I will not turn away from You. I will never stop loving You.