As I waited in the emergency vet hospital yesterday, for bad news, I felt Auriel sitting beside me. I did not ask him to come. He simply showed up. Immediately thinking that he was back as an imaginary being, I told him this. He reached out and touched my side. I can feel those intimate gestures.
He asked me to think about other times I imagined someone in my life, living next to me, that was not there. Did I feel them? Did they make me feel the peace and overall intoxicating grace he bestows upon me? Did they make me feel? No. They did not.
I feel him standing behind me again just at the back of my left shoulder. It is so hard to discern the fine line between the real and the made up. Ironically, the real in this case is the supernatural.
I know one thing. If I doubt him, I lose the feeling of closeness to the Divine. I feel alone, not without God, but without him, and this feels different. I live less in a state of wellbeing so to speak. Why then does it matter if he resides in my imagination or not? Why not continue?
I read today in Padre Pio’s biography that he would ask an angel to pray for Jesus in order to tell if they were Divine or coming from the devil. This goes along with Auriel saying to me that I would know if he was not himself, because I would not feel this state of grace, but rather a feeling of confusion and doubt. I would know.
Once again, I have had the experience and then I read about it later, from saints no less. This does not by any means represent myself. I will never be any type of saint. I don’t want to be. But the confirmations are really unreal. I cannot speak to anyone about this but I know. Deep down on the soul level I understand.
Padre Pio also had direct communications with his guardian angel and what I read today was about his demanding him for answers and the angel laughing. He kept on saying, “You’re laughing!” Now that was a crazy little thing. Auriel laughs all of the time, the impish smile on his face. He even laughs when I speak about his laughter! I believe that this is a way to tell me that living with God is not to be feared. It can also be lighthearted and not so serious as I make it out to be. Granted, I did start all of this on a very dark note.
I am tentatively reaching out to him. I love him after all, and I still feel the love for me radiating off him. Why not enjoy this? Am I being given a gift from God? If so, I should not squander it. That would be most disrespectful indeed.