Shhh… That is all I hear from him when I need it, when I need him.
Shhh…
Day: July 18, 2025
Peace in Death
I have news. The worst kind of news. News of death of a very truly loved one once again. This time I am prepared…
I heard the news and still stayed in my own world of peace. It did not leave me. My angel did not leave me. God did not leave me…
My grief could consume me. I could fall apart. But I am not in that place now. I am stronger than I have ever been as a human, and although I have lost faith in it, humanity, I can feel the others that will to comfort me. I think it’s nice.
I have the strangest feeling that this will not lead to another state of aridity. I almost feel like this will make me ascend to the next level of closeness to the Divine.
Oh how I don’t want this! My only consolation is that she will be reunited with her Creator. Oh how I could fight this!
Yes, this is happening
July 17th, 2025
I know now why I am writing. I need to remember. I need proof, at least to myself, that these things are happening and are not usual. I have dark thoughts ever since I felt alone a few weeks ago. I know I am safe, but they are disturbing and I want them gone.
I stand in the shower and question my sanity again. What if this is all an illusion? A fantasy? What if I have simply lost my mind? I thought I had before, that was when I met my angel. At that point, either I was going into a facility for others to take care of me, or he was going to take care of me. That was his decision anyway.
I know he is not, nor has ever been, my guardian angel. He made it quite clear at that moment, standing beside me at my nightstand, that he was there for me right then. He was sent at that very moment to intervene.
I think about confiding in someone, meaning a spiritual guide, but I fear I will be met with opposition. Anyone I told this to would think I’m delusional, and anyone who has experienced this sort of thing might compete with me, saying their experience was more real, more intense, more personal, and then I would know they were caught up in their own illusion that had nothing to do with me and nothing to do with God.
Why do I think these things? I am no expert on any of this and I am just writing to myself. But today… today I felt it again, the state of grace. I’m not sure if I was feeling the Divine or my angel’s presence, but someone was eclipsing the most recent fears I struggle with, and letting me know that sometimes I am walking near to the other side.