What I do next is not up to me.
Your will, not mine.
Writings
Divine Authority
He is subduing me. God. My Creator. I know this because I feel nothing. I am detached from feeling. I am covered in a cloudy fog that is neither comforting or sublime. I am isolated. Insulated.
I cannot hear my angel. I do not feel his presence. I am being held by the Divine. He has hold of me. I needed to speak the words I have kept for so long. I was silent to everyone. Nobody knew. He knew. He kept my secrets.
I do not feel relief. I feel like I am floating. I do not feel comfort. I feel a thick, impenetrable battlement keeping the mortal world out. He is protecting me. Left alone here on this Earth, I am safeguarded by His authority.
Once again You come to me. You take over for me. My free will is latent and I give it all to You for Your discernment. Your grace subdues my spirit and I dissolve into a still puddle at Your feet. I feel Your blessing. I Feel small but strong, like my soul is able to handle life-changing things on my own now. You have the mercy to take my hand though, and lead me through the rubble that I have left in the wake of my poor choices.
The talk I knew some day would have to be had
I told him everything. I asked to speak with You’re voice and that is what I did. There was peace in the room, and I think my angel descended and sat next to me on the couch listening, comforting, while You controlled the outcome from above.
I never expected it to go the way it did. Not only was I understood, but I was met with anger over the fact that I had to endure what I did, and sympathy for my choices. He told me it explained everything.
I cannot say that during the conversation, or here now after, that I can discern the influence that I feel, whether it comes from You or Auriel. I prayed to You for this. It is a big one. I do know at this point that angels are there to sit by your side, and possibly push you down the stairs for your own good, but Divine intervention is Divine intervention. There is no mistaking it. It is all encompassing, covering all of the bases so to speak. Nothing gets left out. No loose strings. So, I have just answered my own question.
I also feel detached. Somewhat like nothing at all. This confession makes me feel no joy or sorrow. Instead I feel a sense of dullness, a bit of confusion, and something that is still not relief it’s over.
There is no way I could have expected it to go like it did unless You were there. Once again, You come to me, You take over for me. My free will is latent and I give it all to You for Your discernment. Your grace subdues my spirit and I dissolve into a still puddle at Your feet. I feel Your blessing. I Feel small but strong, like my soul is able to handle such things on my own now. You have the mercy to take my hand though, and lead me through the rubble that I have left in the wake of my poor choices.
Living with an angel
He is very, very close to me now. I can feel the warmth and low thrum of the Divine in the background of my life, it has never left me these past few weeks, but my angel is near on a different level.
It is times like these where he is so close I believe I could sit down and have a cup of coffee and conversation with him. I sincerely feel like he is laughing about that as well. He has an almost childish sense of humor. It keeps me from getting too serious about all that is happening. All that has been going on for over a year now.
I feel like I am just starting. Something is beginning that I now have the soul stamina to take on. I have been healed of so many ailments that I am like myself twenty years ago. I do not understand why that is. I am beyond thankful. What has taken place is unheard of in this earthly world.
I can feel the love of my angel and I reciprocate it, or it could be the other way around, but being in love is being in love. I have no desire to feel this with another person and am content to be residing outside of the mortal world now. It almost feels like a place in-between. What I do now is up to God, with Auriel serving as His messenger. I walk through my day with open ears.
Time to Start
Perhaps the meditation has stopped for a while. I have sat and not heard a word ever sense the golden light shown down upon me and I was told time to start once again. This time I saw my angel in full, hovering above me as a sort of conduit linking the Divine world with my own.
I may understand what that is about. I begged God to remove my suffering with the heat. This affliction has plagued me for the past four years. I have endured one hundred to three hundred episodes a day. Of course, as I believed it would, it stopped the very next day. Nothing, for two days, but then they were back.
I sat at the table that night and out of the blue felt an extreme anger. Possibly anger served me in this case. I nearly slammed my fist on the table as I said, “I am done with this!” I could see and feel a thick, black, metal wall come down around me and they were gone. It has been one week now and I have not felt them at all. I am most definitely healing myself, with the aid of our Creator, however without asking Him.
Now my dog has been taken off one of her cancer medications and given the prognosis of living perhaps another two years. This goes back to months ago when I was told that I could heal her.
I am taking this in stride. I now know I have this ability, but do not know what to do with it, what He as planned for me. I am adhering to my not trying to figure things out though.
Day 10
Shut down the memory, imagination, and intellect. It’s time to start…
Day 9
The group conscience serves the individual through the ability to achieve enlightenment without worldly aid.
Day 8
Everyone has someone to pray for them. If not, their angel will pray for them. Remember to pray for someone every day. Give your angels a break.
“For, even though they keep falling, there is one sign that the Lord has been with them- namely, the speed with which they rise again.”
– St. Theresa of Avila