Why did I write that post? “It is over.” How could I say goodby to God and then have Him take my Kya from me? It was less than 24 hrs later that she got sick. I knew she had to go. Go to live with Grampa. I find it so strange. It couldn’t have been a punishment. I don’t believe that.
Monday morning I woke up to a horrible feeling. It wasn’t a feeling that I had felt before. But there was an understanding that the inevitable could not be put off any longer. I wanted to pull the covers over my head and sink into disbelief once again, but my angel laid by my side and placed his hand on my shoulder to delicately wake me.
I had prayed fervently over the weekend. “Auriel, please speak for me to God. Deliver Him the message that I need Him to come back! I need consolations. I need to feel peace. Please! Please! Please!” And then, “I need angels. Lots and lots of angels. Send an army.” Auriel remained very close to me. Standing by my side. Always touching me. But God did not swell my heart with bliss. I figured, He knew best. Maybe if He had come it would obscure the circumstance and imminent grief I needed to feel.
But as I lay there, in my bed Monday morning. I felt something different. God came to me with a sharp piercing of my heart. I felt lifted up and I cried out in my mind, with every fiber of my being, “I love you so much!” What a simple thing to say. And I cannot describe here the reality of it. Certainly I said more. I said everything in that instant. He withdrew suddenly. Then, again. A stabbing right into my heart! I remember feeling, thinking, speaking, “I give you everything! Take all of me!”
I just absolutely cannot describe it. I won’t even try. I can say, the piercing was not painful, but not sensual either. I felt as thought He reached inside my heart and drew me up close. It felt like my insides were pulled out of me, up to heaven. I was inside of Him and He was inside of me.
After the second piercing, which only lasted an instant, my thoughts on that being that experiencing anymore of His closeness would cause me to explode, I became aware of a warm light surrounding my bed. My eyes started to open fully and I could see them. About a dozen angels by my bedside forming a semi-circle around me. They were blurry. I could not see their faces. But they were there. In the light.
Auriel pulled me out of bed and I got the impression that the others were his friends. I thanked them for coming. I sensed that they were in awe of his and my relationship. Nothing so serious as envy did they feel, but perhaps a hopeful wanting of what we have, that they could have someday.
They were alway there, throughout the day, and into the evening. Kya passed so peacefully. I felt semi okay. I didn’t want to see her after though. I didn’t have to. I was hit with a serious allergy attack. One of the debilitating ones. I could not help carry her. No way. So I got out of it. Auriel hard at work once again.
As I fell asleep that night. I asked for a sign that my dad had her. I had been trying to talk to him all day. I thought, just a robin drinking from the bird bath. A squirrel maybe. I felt a little irreverent asking for one. After all, my faith is strong enough now that I don’t need such things. So this morning threw me for a loop.
I decided to plant the angels wings (flowers) out front and when digging up the dirt I found something… A peanut in the shell. Just like the kind my father used to eat. He was obsessed with them! It was his addiction. What more can I say. I never ate them. There is nothing more direct then it being a peanut!
I feel much better now. I told my angel last night that I would never doubt him again. I am sticking to that!
PS: I’m keeping the eagle feather.
