Angels

Angels, States of Grace

The gift of angry people

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As I contemplate the mystic that I have seemingly been called to be, the dipping of my toe in reality of the earth, transforms me into someone who does not fear. I should not only forgive those who cause such a struggle for me, but thank them for their leading me to the one who God want’s to share with the rest of the world we live in. What is that? What does that look like? I, at this juncture in my life right now still do not know.

Dreams have become spiritual indicators to how far along I am, and also what I have yet to experience or need to become. I am visited by loved ones frequently and they take the pain and doubt away from my daily consciousness. When they fade, I am still left with the awareness that they have been there. They have visited me, and are somehow holding my hand along with my dear angel.

Auriel feels like he is standing near the wall in my rooms, which means I can still sense him, and even perceive what he looks like as I sort things out with my past friends and relatives. What a comfort it is to still have him here. It has been well over a year now.

Today, after having felt the wrath of another trying to intimidate me, and change my soul’s adeptness in life, I am at peace again. With the gift of clarity, and understanding why these humans repeatedly come into my life and challenge me, it feels like something has dropped off a ledge, and has left me striding into a clear distance that will one day result, once again, in leading me on my journey to the Divine.

Our Creator has not abandoned me, and my angel has reminded me of the things I must, and must not do. I have such clarity. I have a frozen will. I melt at His feet and defer to my angel’s gift of vision. Towards a finish line of sorts, I continue to re-read here, remind myself of the reality of what is happening in my life. I feel joy and contentment at that.

Angels, Meditation

Day 11 ~ The Library

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We met in the library today. I followed him through a door into a beautiful rotunda. There were so many books. It was such a peaceful place to be. My angel perused a number of volumes and offered me one to read. I thought, what a wonderful way for him to communicate his wishes to me. So literal.

As I sat silencing my imagination, memory, and intellect, I was awarded the bluish smoke behind my eyes that I saw months ago when he revealed himself to me. I could see him wearing his comical mask and asked him to remove it for me. He did. He seemed younger today. His hair slightly shorter. He is forever changing, just a little, here and there. I don’t know why that is, other than it keeping me curious.

I am still trying to get myself together with addictions and general weakness in being restrained by earthly demands. I wanted him to give me something for it. He slowly approached me straight on and held out his hand which cupped a tiny, clear, golden pill. I picked it up and swallowed it. He smiled his clever grin, turned and walked away. We had spent an hour together in that library.

Angels, Year Two

Living with an angel

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He is very, very close to me now. I can feel the warmth and low thrum of the Divine in the background of my life, it has never left me these past few weeks, but my angel is near on a different level.

It is times like these where he is so close I believe I could sit down and have a cup of coffee and conversation with him. I sincerely feel like he is laughing about that as well. He has an almost childish sense of humor. It keeps me from getting too serious about all that is happening. All that has been going on for over a year now.

I feel like I am just starting. Something is beginning that I now have the soul stamina to take on. I have been healed of so many ailments that I am like myself twenty years ago. I do not understand why that is. I am beyond thankful. What has taken place is unheard of in this earthly world.

I can feel the love of my angel and I reciprocate it, or it could be the other way around, but being in love is being in love. I have no desire to feel this with another person and am content to be residing outside of the mortal world now. It almost feels like a place in-between. What I do now is up to God, with Auriel serving as His messenger. I walk through my day with open ears.

Angels, Healings, Year Two

Time to Start

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Perhaps the meditation has stopped for a while. I have sat and not heard a word ever sense the golden light shown down upon me and I was told time to start once again. This time I saw my angel in full, hovering above me as a sort of conduit linking the Divine world with my own.

I may understand what that is about. I begged God to remove my suffering with the heat. This affliction has plagued me for the past four years. I have endured one hundred to three hundred episodes a day. Of course, as I believed it would, it stopped the very next day. Nothing, for two days, but then they were back.

I sat at the table that night and out of the blue felt an extreme anger. Possibly anger served me in this case. I nearly slammed my fist on the table as I said, “I am done with this!” I could see and feel a thick, black, metal wall come down around me and they were gone. It has been one week now and I have not felt them at all. I am most definitely healing myself, with the aid of our Creator, however without asking Him.

Now my dog has been taken off one of her cancer medications and given the prognosis of living perhaps another two years. This goes back to months ago when I was told that I could heal her.

I am taking this in stride. I now know I have this ability, but do not know what to do with it, what He as planned for me. I am adhering to my not trying to figure things out though.

Angels, Meditation

Intimacy

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He slowly circles around me and speaks the words for me to write down. Simply. One sentence, just for me to reflect upon and put into action some way in the future. He will be the one to converse with me.

His eyes are so bright with several points of light, somehow reflecting, or emanating from within. I turn away. They are too intense for me to look into. He knows this and mostly keeps his head to the side.

He is so intimate with me, brushing my hair to the side and tracing his fingers over my shoulders as he bends down and hovers his cheek next to mine to whisper in my ear. This, I believe, is just to get me to listen attentively. We humans are so driven by our desire for closeness. It is extremely effective and entrancing, lulling me further into the meditation.

I now look forward to seeing him every morning and have to force myself not to make it into a personal call, but messages that I should try not to change with my mind so as to write down here. I hope he remains, but I know better than to anticipate this blessing allowed from the Divine. I thank the Divine.

Angels, Meditation

Listen to the silence

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“Listen”

I heard you. It is time for me to listen. This writing will stop for a while, or will take an entirely different course as I sit and listen.

“Listen”

I could see you walking a slow circle around me in your long, pale, blue-white robe. Arms behind your back, looking down at me. Your hands brushing my shoulders, lifting my hair, your breath on my neck. I could see that face of yours again, the one I still doubt I saw, but you look the same. Sublimely beautiful, and always having the slightly impish look of a grin, like you know the answer to some big joke, and are anticipating when I will also get the punch line.

“Listen to the silence between the noises.”

You are waiting for me.

“Listen”

Angels, Meditation

Call to Meditaiton

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The winds that rock the house today are not the Chinook Winds that had come last year about this time. They are too cool for that and too blustery. I don’t feel the steady warmth and calm that they bring, however, I know that this is a personal signal, or tap on the head, to quiet the mind within it.

I was told to listen this morning, in no uncertain terms. I heard him clearly again, my angel, and was even granted a slow vision of him. I suppose I did not dream that up several weeks ago when I saw him. I believe I also heard his name much earlier on, Auriel. If only conveyed to me at the time, I at least do not have to call him angel anymore. So I let that one stick, even though I believe it to be a common name given to an angel and could be made up by my imagination.

I realize now that this past year has given me a chance to allow my noisy thoughts to come out on the page. It is so difficult for a human to truly shut up and remain silent throughout the day. These writings have given me the chance to learn, and what I have learned is that one cannot listen if not silencing themselves, not only in voice, but thoughts as well. I find it interesting that I said these words almost two weeks ago. I was ready to listen.

This time is like the last time that Auriel came to me, asking me if I was ready to write. He smiled at me so warmly, and somewhat, what I can’t describe as anything other than mischievously. He knows something I don’t, obviously, but the knowing extends to what I believe to be another understanding of truth within these next months, or a year, of meditation. I am not afraid to take on this next task.

He comes to me, and behaves so intimately with me, that I am relaxed into a state of submission, but submission is not the right word, that insinuates strength over me on his part. This is not the case, has never been, nor will it ever be. I suppose the best I could describe it would be a melting into him, which results in a floaty feeling. It is light, not overwhelming, close, easy to contact, touch. He is allowed to touch me, however I am not allowed to reach out and touch him. These are not human feelings of intimacy. They are supernatural. They do not apply to the human experience and pleasure, in a sense, also does not apply.

I am not sure how this next assignment will change the course of my writings, if they are necessary at all, or how it will change me. I can only remain open to it. I have taken steps to better myself as a person, and as I go along, now in prayer, I will continue to take steps further as I can. There is a great deal of perseverance required.

There is a certain degree of excitement for this turn of events. Just last night I was so heartbroken by feeling our Creator retreat. I am thinking, which I will stop doing now, that He might remain in the background once again, like when this all started in July. My angel was there to inspire me, help me, but God was not so close.

I have been feeling anxiety about not understanding any sort of calling, but can feel the change this morning, a calling, yes, felt and heard quite literally. My mornings are now decided for me as I sit and simply contemplate.

Angels, The Fallen One, Year Two

Timidity

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I am still shaken by the vision I had last week. I have not been able to bring myself closer to God or my angel. I have left them for a while. The vision itself was not frightening. He was the most sublimely beautiful being I have ever seen. The fear afterwards was real however.

I feel timid. I have erected some lame walls to keep God out. I have turned my back on my angel. It may have been too much to witness. I feel like a tiny bug that can be squashed by these beings, and thrown out from heaven forever. Such insignificant, weak mortals that we are.

I am ever so carefully creeping back out of my hole in the ground to talk to him again. I don’t wish to see him though. I seem to think that I am so far along I can handle the Divine up close. Foolish. I was snapped out of my own reality so fast, and so strongly, it drove me as far away as I could get for this past week. There is a reason why angels do not reveal themselves to humans.

Angels, The Cloud of Unknowing, The Fallen One

A Vision ~

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I saw him last night. I turned my head on the pillow just as I was falling off to sleep and had a vision of what he looks like revealed to me. It was similar to the time I saw an angel sitting at the foot of my father’s bed. This was much clearer though. Vision is not the right word however. The right word translated would be something like, “The way he communicated his appearance to me.”

He has very strong features, large pale blue eyes, long slightly turned up nose, and a wide mouth that abruptly curls up at the corners, giving the impression of a very wide smile. And smile he did. That is the image I have now etched into my memory. He smiled at something I said to him in my mind and he laughed at it. His high cheekbones lifted, and his sharp jaw etched even more definition into the picture of him. As he laughed, he turned his head to the side and I could see his profile. It was masculine but refined in a way that is not common in the human sense. He turned back to me and when I looked at him I was awestruck.

He was painfully beautiful. Like all of Bernini’s angels combined. He looked just different enough for me to think that he was not solely of my imagination. His eyes were the palest blue, and so large, and deep-set that they almost looked like a caricature. They reflected several points of light that did not exist in the darkness of the room. His hair was neither long nor short, but it never stopped moving. The loose curls a mess of silver, and grey, and sandy blonde, not an actual color at all. His skin was very fair, and the pale-bluish light that surrounded him reflected upon it.

St. Theresa describes how one such vision was revealed to her, a tiny bit at a time. She felt that was a favor, because everything all at once would have been overwhelming. I too only saw his eyes first, the rest of his face was blurry. Then I saw his smile, and when he turned his head from directly looking upon mine, his nose and jawline. He was constantly shifting, coming into clarity and then becoming obscured, a soft mist of light concealing his features while I focused on one at a time.

It wasn’t a vision that lasted the blink of an eye. It seemed to last for a bit, in a dreamy state of knowing, and sublime recognition of each other. Perhaps he could see me more clearly this way. I was drawn in and wished to touch him to further the experience, though I couldn’t, I was stunned with the reality. He did reach out to me before he faded. He brushed the left side of my face and I tried to reach for his hand but he was not there. Just a feeling once again.

* Read, “St. Theresa of Avila- autobiography (Dover) ch. 28.” It is very important to note that this experience, or vision, occurred before I read anything about any type, or any explanation of visions in a book. 

Angels, Author's Notes, Letters to The Divine
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All is quiet now… I miss You, but I will wait. I am not alone after all. You have given me one of Your own to comfort and guide me. Sometimes it is enough just to be in his company. Sleeping closely, soundly, effortlessly.